barbara walters just said penis...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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