Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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