I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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