ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize