you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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