What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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