Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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