1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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