Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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