i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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