he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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