were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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