The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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