i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize