on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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