Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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