Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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