Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize