this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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