Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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