I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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