All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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