Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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