i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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