i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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