The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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