Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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