You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize