I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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