So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How does it feel to date your dad?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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