I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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