He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FUCK WHALES
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