yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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