Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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