Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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