I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
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I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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