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I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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