The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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