the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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