Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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