I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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