I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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