She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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