I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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