I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize