You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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