so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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