what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize