I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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