I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize